Posts Tagged 'humor'

Coked up wrestler from the 80’s

Just came accross this video of an interview with wrestler Randy Savage “Macho Man” which un-frickin’-believeable. Just watch, words cannot describe this.

Rock ‘n’ Roll is the Devil’s music

Rock ‘n’ Roll
is the
DEVIL’S MUSIC
Beware:
the hypnotic voodoo rhythm,
a reckless dance down the Devil’s road
of sin and self-destruction
leading youth to eternal damnation
in the fiery depths of hell!

I stole this from a very good blog I’ve just come across I’ll put it on my blogroll because I find it very funny.

Redheads – A roundup

I’m not even sure why I’m doing this, but at the suggestion of a (ginger) friend, I’m doing a post about gingers (rangas, redheads, coppers, whatever derogatory term you can think of) and all their cultural significance (probably not much).

why do I even bother?

In case the chap in the image above isn’t familiar to you by the way, he’s an internet phenomenon (for all the wrong reasons of course) and anyone who’s sad enough to spend large amounts of time on the internet (myself) would know who he is. It’s a really good test actually, to tell how geeky you are, just peruse a bunch of memes and see how many you know. The less you know, of course, the more fulfilling your life.  Anyway, the story with the ginger kid above is that South Park did an episode that said that ginger people have no souls. I didn’t think anyone took that show seriously but apparently this kid did. Idiot. He made a video rebutting South Park’s “claims” insisting famously that “Gingers do have souls” and that is now how he is known on the internet. Seriously, google it.

South Park then went and mocked that, leading to more videos from the copper crusader. So thats one strike against gingers I think, he’s really not doing much for their credibility as a group. Or for Christians either for that matter. Fail.

A ginger that everyone knows and likes (or at least doesn’t hate) is Ronald Weasley from the Harry Potter francise. Although if you needed that little jog of the memory what rock have you been hiding under? Everyone knows the dude.

a face even a mother couldn't love

smarmy git

Theres not much else to say about him, except that Ron continues the stereotype of gingers being stupid sidekicks, thickheaded numbskulls who go around doing nothing more than making us laugh at their expense. No wonder they get a bad rap with this sort of mainstream exposure.

So this guy isn’t a ginger, obviously. But Jonah (as played by comedian Chris Lilley on Summer Heights High) was one of the first people I saw using the word “ranga” to describe a ginger person. I actually found the whole thing quite amusing because at that point in my life I wasn’t even aware that people with red hair were picked on or victimized (apart from the obligatory “does the carpet match the drapes?” comment on first meeting which isn’t really a big deal). So to see him have a go a small kid with red hair I found rather satirical of the way bullies of any sort operate; namely to insult someone in a way that was illogical, and therefore difficult to respond to (tried arguing with a crazy person before?).

But to me this sums up the whole situation with having a go at ginger people, someone has a dig, the red head thinks it’s unfair and takes offense, and because they’re getting a rise out of the victim, the bully will continue to harass. Remember when your mum told you to ignore what the bullies said and they’d go away? Yeah, she was right all along.

she is right, and you are wrong

Anyway to balance all of this ginger hate out, there are red headed people out there who are liked and even respected. I’ve already mention Ron from Harry Potter, who no doubt is loved by geeks and kids all over the world (even if we still laugh at him for being a dumbass), but there are others as well. Let me point you in the direction of Christina Hendricks.

making up for every other ginger all by herself

you get the idea I'm sure...

So I mean obviously she’s hot and attractive and also a red head. But even though I could stop here and redheads would still be winning, I think it’d be fair to mention a few others (even if they aren’t as good as Miss Hendricks).

less hot but more respect, like commanding one of the great empires of the world respect

another red headed royal. life can't be too bad for this guy

Nobody hated her (except for the supernatural) but then again, never got anywhere apart from the x-files, so I think she broke even really.

why do all the redhead guys look like douche bags?

and all the female red heads are pretty hot

And there are others like Napoleon (yes, that Napoleon), Geri Halliwell, Carrot top (although it’s easy to argue that he and all references to him should be suppressed), Debra Messing, and the list just goes on and on.

So to sum up: people give gingers shit, gingers are pussies and take offense to this, people keep doing it because it’s funny. But at the end of the day gingers are just people with red hair (and freckles) who burn easily. I’m pretty damn sure that’s all there is to say about the subject. Although I can’t expect it, I hope never to have to talk about the gingerliness of anyone ever again.

some random ranga and a cohort

Horrible sci-fi and fantasy book covers – awesome site I found…

Stumbled across this site which is a blog of really really aweful sci fi and fantasy book covers. Good way to kill an hour or so. And some of the covers are just unbelievable 😀

You get the idea…they’re pretty terrible.

Conspiracy theories – DUN DUN DUN!

So after I did the article on the conspiracy theories surrounding Lady Gaga, it occurred to me that it would be amusing to do an article on other conspiracy theories and just how bat-shit insane they are (believe me, they are insane).  Today I’m going to try and cover a broad range of them, and maybe delve into a few more deeply (for our own enjoyment).

Flat Earth

To start off with, lets go with a theory right out of left field, the Flat Earthers. This group is exactly what it sounds like, a bunch of people who have somehow convinced themselves that the earth is flat. For real.

Like this, but less delicious

In researching for this, I’ve read a fair bit of their writing/forum posts/bullshit to try and get my head around why people in this day and age might believe that the earth is flat. Sadly, they don’t seem to make any sense (surprise!) and as such, not being fluent in crazy, I can’t understand what they are saying. From what I can gather, they believe that the earth is flat, and the governments and space agencies of the world are conspiring to cover this up. Why I hear you ask? Well as far as I can make out, Nasa is supposed to fake space missions for a fraction of the cost of a real one, then sits back and snorts Scarface amounts of cocaine of the backs of hookers.

But they say it comes down to the fact they believe the earth is flat, and as Nasa would know better, it must be a cover-up. Not only that, the sun and moon are discs (discs!) that are several hundred or thousand kilometers above the earth, and there is no such thing as gravity. Yes, my friends, these people feel that for no good reason, gravity is a lie. The earth simply moves through space (upwards, I might add) at 9.6m/s creating the “illusion” of gravity. Last of all (and my favorite) there is a giant ice wall around the earth keeping the oceans in. Oh, and the earth might be resting on the back of four elephants, which conversely might be resting on the back of a giant turtle. It just gets crazier doesn’t it?

I couldn't make this up if I wanted to

For “evidence” of this they point to is the UN flag, which shows a flattened view of the world. They also claim that all satellite photos of earth from space have been faked by Nasa. A few of the crazies have done some totally scientific (dubious) tests and that has convinced them that the earth is flat. The fact that “authorities” say it’s round means to them that there is a conspiracy going on. And that’s pretty much all it takes to convince these people. Theres another group of people who think that the earth is hollow and we are on the inside. I’m not even getting into that craziness, it’s all here for you to take a look at. Read more about these crazy people here and here.

Moon landing hoax

Many of you would have heard of this, as there have been a few documentaries and it’s one of those conspiracy theories everyones heard of, so I’ll only mention it briefly. Essentially, the famous 1969 moon landing was faked, humans never went to the moon, and it was all filmed in a Hollywood studio. Supposedly there are a number of clues and anomalies in the pictures and videos taken by the astronauts which cast doubt on the authenticity of the mission. Some of the main points given are shadows that don’t fall in the same direction (more than one light source), crosshairs appear behind objects in the photos, there are no stars in the pictures, the list goes on. Since then, there’s been a lots of debunking of these various claims, and mythbusters even did a special on it (which I happened to see) which pretty clearly cleared up any doubts any rational person could entertain about the mission.

Aliens

This is a big one, and one that everyone has to have heard of at some point. Theres been countless movies about it and it’s really become very much a part of pop culture. There are loads of theories, all of them crazy, but some crazier than others.

like the idea that beings from another galaxy, perhaps even another universe somehow look extremely similar to us. FUCK YOU probability!

So the core of these theories is that UFOs are coming to us from across the galaxy with beings from another world and that governments across the world are hiding the fact that they are aware of this to prevent a mass panic. Or to fuck with us, take your pick. In many versions, the US government has made contact with aliens and allows the aliens to keep bases here on earth in exchange for advanced technology. There is of course, the famous crash at Roswell where supposedly we recovered a crashed UFO and some alien bodies, as well as some survivors. A lot of theorists claim that technology taken from the crash was harvested out and “seeded” various scientific breakthroughs such as silicon chips, lasers, and other modern technology we take for granted today. Since the crash, the idea of aliens and UFOs has really entered pop culture, with countless films, TV shows, books and music written about the subject. There are some funny sub-theories based on this, my favorite being the one about reptilians.

Reptilians/NWO

It goes something like this: world leaders and people in positions of power throughout the globe are actually reptilian aliens (again, somehow these intergalactic travelers beat impossible odds to resemble a much more familiar and earthbound creature familiar to us, but that represent many peoples fears) that are controlling the world, and creating war and strife as they feed on negative energy. What do they do for dinner when the want to eat out? Even the aging Queen of England is supposedly one!

No shit, I kid you not, this is meant to be "proof" that the Queen is a reptile. That dark patch. The one that is clearly a shadow. Are these people fucking morons?

Seriously, check out this page here which has more supposed proof of shapeshifting aliens. I would have thought that the levels of crazy required to buy into this would would cause an error in spacetime, and our universe would abruptly end. Lets just hope that these people never reproduce, at least. The reptillian overlords theory goes right along another separate conspiracy theory which is about the NWO, or New World Order (a theory closely linked to the Illuminati). Basically this one says that secret shadowy people control the world through our political leaders, and that they have a global agenda to brainwash us and control us, although I’m not sure with what, because they’re never really clear on that. It’s always just about someone doing something fishy. Anyway some people think that the New World Order is just shadowy powerful people controlling the world (and will often cite the Jews, Nazis, descendants of a secret society like the Knights Templar or the famous Illuminati, pharmaceutical companies, or weapons manufacturers), but many more believe it to be something more sci fi or occult (reptilian aliens, occult demons, the antichrist, the whore of babylon etc etc).

Hiding in plain sight? Now they're just fucking with you

Another theory, (less of a conspiracy theory, but worth mentioning) is the one about ancient astronauts. Basically, this theory states that either life started on this planet, but at some point during mankind’s evolution, we were interfered with/taught/modified by beings from another planet, OR, life itself was seeded from somewhere else in the universe. The earliest mention of such a theory was in the (absolutely incredible) writings of H.P. Lovecraft in his short story “At the Mountains of Madness”, which hints strongly at such a notion. Other theories developed since then claim all sorts of things, such as the Egyptian pyramids being markers for UFO landing points, Stonehenge being linked to UFOs, many cultures mention “visitors from far away who came and taught” the local population which is surmised are aliens. I must say, of all the crazy theories in this article, this is the one I would like to be true. Imagine if the ancient Egyptians did turn out to have made contact with aliens, and their culture and style were a small glimpse of the adopted culture and style of the aliens. It’d be sooooo cool.

Nazi UFOs

Lastly, we’ll look at the theory about Nazis and their UFOs, and also their occult business. It’s widely acknowledged that Nazis were really advanced in creating superweapons for WWII, such as advanced fighter jets, rockets (which the British and Americans didn’t even begin to have), and they were even close to developing their own atomic weapons (without Einstein’s help I might add). So the basis of this wild theory is rooted in fact. But where it gets a little crazy is that a lot of people claim the Nazis developed a working UFO, possibly many. Ok, I can see that, it’s a bit of a leap and there are some holes in the logic there, but it’s merely an extension of what they were already doing. No, in addition to that, there are people (luckily none of us know these people) who are of the opinion that the Nazis were deeply involved in the occult, summoning demons, crossing dimensions, and other bizarre pseudo scientific/occult type stuff. Supposedly the Nazis discovered an energy source called vril which they used to power their saucers with. Now, if you have a craft that outperforms your enemy, giving you a tactical advantage, with a power source from another world of demons and stuff, wouldn’t you figure out a way to use it to your advantage? Just a small little bit of strategy to tip things in your favor? Hmmm? Well, according to these people, the Nazis, brilliant enough to do all this stuff that we still can’t do today, wern’t smart enough to win the war (or even bloody try) by using the advantage the surely they must have worked so hard for (again, we still don’t even come close to having anything like this today).

But I’ve saved the best til last (as you do).

Wait for it.

Some people think that the Nazis, seeing that they had lost the war (or were on the verge of it), packed up everything in their saucers and flew to the far side of the moon, where they established a base and then a colony, waiting for the day they would come back to complete the establishment of the third reich. This is meant to explain all the UFO sighting since then, it’s the Nazis doing reconnaissance. Of course, how could I miss it! Holy shit what an awesome conspiracy theory!

Seriously though, this is fucking cool.

Well, we’ve come to the end of my little article, I hope all liked it. Please feel free to subscribe to my blog and I’ll try to make sure the posts are as frequent as possible (because no one likes a blog that doesn’t update).

How did I not hear about this sooner

So I just happened across this on Aintitcool and thought I’d have a look and see what it’s all about. Turns out it’s all about WIN because this trailer is fucking cool. Plus I’ve been a Michael Cera fan since Arrested Development (when’s that movie coming along?). Enjoy 🙂

LED Belt Buckle – Review

So you remember this post I did about that uber-awesome belt buckle that had scrolling LED text on it that you could make say whatever you wanted it to? You might not remember but at the end I added that if anyone wanted to buy it I would be very appreciative. Well, a friend read my blog and bought me the belt buckle as a belated birthday gift! Holy crap I wish I had filmed my reaction when I opened it because honestly, that was one of the best presents I’ve ever gotten. Thank you so much Mel and Joseph, you’re awesome! 😀 So since I’ve now got one (although I currently lack a belt to wear it on), I thought I should do a review on it since is so goddamn ball blisteringly awesome.

First thing to review is how easy it is to operate. And guess what? It’s easy! It’s got three buttons on the back, and if you’ve ever had a digital watch and had to program the time and date then it’s no harder than that. I found it very, very easy. The text can be a bit time consuming to program in but there are worse things in life. Next, it’s good to know that you can program up to 6 messages at once onto the belt buckle and then switch between them as the mood takes you, rather than fiddling with it when you’re out (and probably pissed). So that’s pretty sweet. You can adjust the text speed and the brightness of the LEDs too so it’s pretty adjustable.

To sum up, the belt buckle is FUCKING AWESOME and will definitely set you apart as a STYLE MAVEN with good taste and a MENTAL DRESS SENSE. In a good way. Get one. Because they are amazing. Actually don’t get one. That way I can be the only person to have one and I’ll be unique! One of a kind! Never meant for mass production!!

Here’s a video I took of the buckle in action, as I said I don’t have a belt to wear it on yet so thats why I’m holding it (like a tool).